“If she knew this woman better, if the woman knew her better, Delfina thought, she would tell her that this was only half true, that it was hard to make a go of it alone, but that it could be just as hard to live in a house without kindness.”
–from “Anyone Can Do It” by Manuel Munoz
Relationships are crucial to characterization, and hypothetical conditions shape the relationship described in this sentence. The terms of those conditions characterize. Delfina isn’t willing to share her past because she doesn’t know the woman she is interacting with well enough. If she knew her better, then she would reveal more about herself. The “then” is implied after the two “ifs” and before “she would.”
“If/then” constructions and hypothetical conditions could lead to lots of interesting characterization. Repeating a phrase emphasizes it, doubles down on it. Descriptions of a character’s interiority can add another layer. Also, secret-keeping by characters, what they decide not to reveal or when they do reveal information, can characterize.
Here are a few example drafts that apply some of what has been mentioned above.
- If she had said, “Just to be clear, I want to reschedule, not cancel,” if he had asked, “Are you saying not Thursday or not at all?” June hissed at herself, then things could have worked out, or at least worked out differently. So, differently.
- If he hadn’t wanted Benny’s approval, if his opinion had mattered less, Ray knew he would have told the truth earlier, before one disaster led to another and another after that.
- If he wanted to destabilize the country, if he planned to make international treaties meaningless, then, spy or not, he helped our enemies.
Writing Fiction 